Counting Down the Rocky Sequels

1. Rocky IV. The best Cold War movie ever. Rocky topples the Russian(s). The real question here is, how did Dolph Lundgren get cast as He-Man just two years later? Millions of kids were first getting acquainted with Ivan Drago, the human version of The Terminator, and some casting director thinks kids are going to believe he's a good guy? I'm 30 and I still don't believe it. Masters of the Universe would've been better with Van freaking Damme. Following Balboa's ultimate triumph and victory speech, the standing ovation he gets from the Moscow crowd including Gorby himself is pure cinematic moxie, and should've been the final moment for the franchise.

2. Rocky II. There is a temptation to rank Rocky II as the worst of the Rocky sequels, blaming its success for all that followed. In this one, Rocky deals with impolite ad men, unemployment, his car payments and getting fired from a meatpacking plant. To quote Kathy Bates from Primary Colors, "it's all so human and awful." But Rocky triumphs, meeting his newborn son only after Adrian comes out of her coma, and beats Apollo by one second in a match that earns this movie its spot.

3. Rocky III. We rejoin Rocky as he's riding high, listening to "Eye of the Tiger" while he's losing his. He's the Champ, has numerous title defenses since outlasting Apollo, yet doesn't seem to even recognize Clubber Lang (or his number one ranking) at his retirement press conference. He also allows Clubber's accosting of Adrian to go on comically long. Rocky III's ethos is driven by the passing of his surly trainer, Mickey Goldmill. In his first go-round with hot, sweet mortality, Clubber is to blame for Mickey's death, Rocky is knocked out for the first time on-screen, and Apollo swoops in to train his venerable rival against their mutual nemesis, Lang. Hulk Hogan is memorable as "Thunderlips," Mr. T. is convincing as the disrespected brawler from Chicago, and Apollo's beach training sequences with Rocky do more than border on homoeroticism. Highly watchable and replete with montages, this is a true 80's movie.

4. Rocky V. After losing Mickey in Rocky III and Apollo in IV, Rocky's money is put to sleep in Rocky V. Broke and retired (again), Rocky goes back, where he started, this time working at Mighty Mick's, with Adrian across the street at J & M Tropical Fish. Rocky goes from managing the gym to managing Tommy Gunn all the way to the top, only to be dumped in favor of Don King parody George Washington Duke. He then wins a streetfight and walks off (and presumably lives the rest of his life) happy being King of the Neighborhood.

5. Over the Top. Rocky throws everyone a curveball when he changes his name to Lincoln Hawk, wins an armwrestling tournament and his son's love, thwarting the evil Robert Loggia. After a summer he described as "wild as hell," he returns to his life in Philadelphia and the professional boxing circuit.

6. Rocky Balboa. There isn't much to say about the final chapter of the life and times of our hero. Not much to say at all. Other than Milo Ventimiglia is just awful.

Counting Down the 10 Worst Sports Movies

10. Mr. 3000. Bernie Mac was a very funny man. Just not in this particular film. Let us remember him instead as a man that once voiced a character named "Fruit Juice" in the animated film 'Lil Pimp.

9. Invincible. Save an hour-plus of your time and watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Gang Gets Invincible from Season 3.

8. The Fan. A movie that probably looked great on paper but didn't translate to the screen, The Fan is the second-worst on Bobby D's resume.

7. Driven. Kip Pardue gives one of the all-time worst performances in cinematic history, sports or no sports.

6. Leatherheads. George Clooney tried to make a Coen Brothers film. Tried.

5. Invictus. Nelson Mandela is finally portrayed by real-life doppelganger Morgan Freeman, and it's the elderly, rugby superfan Mandela he gives us. Tragic.

4. For Love of the Game. Oh, for the love of...

3. Ali. Ali first lost its integrity when the man himself was at the premiere. Its authenticity is further diminished each painfully long minute, with Jon Voigt and Mario van Peebles woefully miscast as icons Howard Cosell and Malcolm X. Ron Silver as Angelo Dundee is just preposterous. With respect to Will Smith, who does transform in the role, Jada's presence further robs this biopic of any realism whatsoever. There are a number of Ali documentaries that are far more worthy of your time.

2. Two for the Money. Matthew McConaughey is an actor who isn't known for his acting. He's at his abso-worst in this 2005 clunker.

1. Any Given Sunday. All the NFL players that ever suited up wouldn't make up for the made-up teams that cost this movie its authenticity. That nearly any given actor is in Any Given Sunday also makes its suspension-of-disbelief factor about on par with Hot Tub Time Machine.

Counting Down the 20 Best Sports Films

21. The Natural. I honestly believe and will argue that the 20 films below are better.

20. The Hurricane. Denzel tour de force is better than Million Dollar Baby in its sleep.

19. Miracle. Kurt Russell actually overplays Herb Brooks, but no-name cast seals this one.

18. Friday Night Lights. Gritty and authentic, this is one well acted film.

17. Remember the Titans. Denzel joins Charlie Sheen (Major League, Eight Men Out), James Earl Jones (Field of Dreams, The Sandlot) and directors David Anspaugh (Hoosiers, Rudy) and John G. Avildsen (Rocky, The Karate Kid) in making this list twice, much to Kevin Costner's chagrin. Chelcie Ross (Ed Harris, Dan Devine) has earned himself an honorary spot in Romoville for his work in three top-ten films: Hoosiers, Major League and Rudy.

16. Breaking Away. Townies vs. college kids? Sold!

15. A League of Their Own. Girls playing baseball achieves non-chick flick status.

14. The Sandlot. A movie that goes where you want it to the first time you see it and feels like you've seen it a hundred times right after.

13. Happy Gilmore. Bob Barker's left jab will hit you in the side.

12. Chariots of Fire. Best Picture 1981 is slow, but from a time when Best Picture winners were pretty darn good.

11. The Bad News Bears. Walter Matthau was amazing with those kids.

10. Rudy. Who that has seen Rudy can honestly say they didn't like it? Best football movie ever.

9. The Karate Kid. 1980's Rocky clone hit the nail on the head for its generation.

8. Major League. My guess is Little Leaguers still quote the hell out of this one.

7. Field of Dreams. The top two baseball movies both center around the '19 Sox. This one really makes you feel.

6. Cinderella Man. Ron Howard may have wanted to call it Cinematography Man. It's that good.

5. Eight Men Out. Wonderfully cast recount of the 1919 Chicago Black Sox scandal.

4. Raging Bull. DeNiro and Scorcese at the top of their game.

3. Hoosiers. The ultimate comeback movie. Who isn't an underdog in Hickory?

2. Caddyshack. The funniest movie of all time? It's up there.

1. Rocky. Imagine a world with no Rocky sequels. Better yet, watch the original again, then imagine it.

The Sweet Science Deserves a Sweet Home

Brett Favre has a clear path to Canton. Five years from now, Ken Griffey, Jr. will be in Cooperstown. But has Floyd Mayweather, Jr. accomplished enough in his career to one day be enshrined in....Canastota, NY?

The aura of Canton, of Cooperstown just doesn't work for boxing- a sport that hasn't felt old-timey since Muhammad Ali was called Clay. Like The Greatest, boxing's hall of fame should be the greatest, or at least the most hyped.

Instead, The International Boxing Hall of Fame offers its visitors a quaint, personal experience with the larger-than-life sport. It's basically a log cabin, and while framed pictures on the wall are nice, and historic, and honest, boxing deserves more.

The MGM Group or Steve Wynn should work out a deal with the IBHOF for a satellite museum in Las Vegas, at either a new sports-themed casino or the MGM Grand itself. New technologies would allow for a new Hall to be interactive and experiential with unlimited potential (imagine sparring with Ali or seeing how your straight right stacks up with Ivan Drago's).

MMA is growing in popularity faster and more inexplicably than Justin Bieber. A shrine befitting one of the world's oldest and greatest sports and its champions would give boxing fans their Graceland and any casino in Las Vegas a new draw.

Since opening in 1989, The International Boxing Hall of Fame has put Canastota on the map the way the MonoRail put Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook on the map. It was a great idea, and there was absolutely a need for a Boxing Hall of Fame, so all the credit is theirs. But in 2010, when even just seeing the date feels like science fiction, it is astounding that boxing of all sports isn't being fully exploited.

7.28.10