RomoBall's Family Ties: Share Your Captions!

Cal Ripken and Steve Wilkos
Baseball and TV's Iron Men

Scott Rolen and Mark Wahlberg
"I'm the guy who does his job- you must be the other guy."


David Ortiz and Esther Rolle
Good times...


Ramon Castro and Bill Nunn
"Two minutes to deadline, Jonah!"

Brandon Dubinsky and Freddie Prinze, Jr.
I still don't know what you did last offseason...


Phil Ivey and Tiger Woods
WSOP with that?

Stan Van Gundy and Ron Jeremy
Magic Time


Kyle Korver and Ashton Kutcher
Punk's


Andy Roddick and Seann William Scott
Stifler/Roddick


Mike Tomlin and Omar Epps
Don't Be a Menace to the AFC Central while starring in Juice and The Wood


Jim Fassel and Robin Williams
Insomnia

Andrew Bynum and Tracy Morgan
Pass the 30 Rock


Vlade Divac, Yasir Arafat and Ringo Starr
"I hate Thanksgiving. Can we go out for Chinese this year?

Hiccups and Pickups: Week 8

FALLING DOWN

Felix Jones. Jon Kitna went as Tony Romo for Halloween. He dropped back 45+ times, threw for 375+ yards, turned it over more than three times, and lost at home. He's sure to be good pill hunting today after his first start in two years, but the loss is not his fault. Two of his picks were on drops, and he never should've been asked to do that much, which brings us to Jones. The Cowboys' are a throw-first offense and can't stop anyone on defense, making Felix a non-factor by halftime most weeks. He has no touchdowns on the year and has only hit double-digit fantasy points twice. Treat this week's loss vs. the Jaguars as a bellwether game and conclude that if Dallas goes down big early at home to Jacksonville, that's just who they are.

Randy Moss. In an unprecedented move, the Minnesota Vikings have hired special assistant Dr. Emmett Lathrop "Doc" Brown to help with the passing game. Unconfirmed sources are reporting that he and Brett Favre are working on something "big." Brown's $10 million dollar fee may seem high, but you can't put a price on 2-5 and a share of last place. Moss quitting on a ball after a pass interference call and his lengthy embrace with Bill Belichick, coupled with the trainer having to re-attach Favre's head was a series of smacks to the face for team owner Zygi Wilf, whose Vikings' record (and personal finances) would be better without Favre and Moss this year.

Chad Ochocinco. When the sum of your name changes and television shows is greater than your touchdowns, it's time to drop yourself from your own fantasy team. Chad, if you're reading, Steve Johnson may still be available.

Ronnie Brown. Remember when the Dolphins were so savvy and took Ronnie Brown instead of Cadillac Williams? They were right, but not by much. Brown has been the more productive of the two, but both have been disappointing at the pro level and are again this year. To Miami's credit, 2005 was loaded with first-round busts, semi-busts and wastes-of-time (Alex Smith, Adam Jones, Cadillac, Troy Williamson, Mike Williams, Shawne Merriman, Braylon Edwards) and at least Ronnie is still wearing teal.

MERCURY RISING

Matthew Stafford. Stafford-to-Johnson was a peach of a connection on Sunday, as the best QB in UGA history hit the best wideout in Georgia Tech history for 101 yards and three scores. Matthew threw another to Pettigrew, and threw himself into the mix of quarterbacks to consider for bye Weeks 9 and 10.

Michael Crabtree. Crabtree heads into the bye a wideout with breakout potential in the second half. Mike has had three fantasy games in his last four, the 49ers may be without Vernon Davis, and their schedule is favorable the rest of the way.

LeGarrette Blount. LeGarrette Blount will be LeMost added fantasy player this week, and he's definitely worth a shot as the lead ballcarrier in Tampa Bay. 120 yards and two TDs on 22 carries looks slightly better than it is, (nearly half his points came on a 48-yard run late in the game), but it's more than enough to trade in the Cadillac for him.

Mike Sims-Walker. Welcome to Jacksonville, home of the hyphen and the most-frustrating players in fantasy. While Jones-Drew owners are still waiting for that monster game (or two?), many Sims-Walker owners had already bailed before his Week 8 breakout. Currently owned in 65% of Yahoo! leagues, Mike caught 8 for 153 and a score in Dallas and has shown he can get it going with Garrard.

Keiland Williams. Washington running backs have been going down faster than a lead zeppelin. Okay. That should cure them, right? Curse, go out from this place! There you go. Now grab Keiland Williams.

Hiccups and Pickups: Week 7

FALLING DOWN

DeAngelo Williams. Drafted as high as 8th overall, Williams is the biggest bust this fantasy season, even with 2nd-rounder Ryan Grant going out for the season. By going on IR, Grant actually did his owners a favor-- he freed up a roster spot immediately. Williams has cost his owners a productive spot in all six games he's played, averaging just 60 yards per contest and reaching the end zone just once. A foot injury on the last play of the game (in which he rushed for 44 yards) makes him a must-bench this week at St. Louis, and makes Jonathan Stewart the primary back in Carolina. The Daily Show should be decent this week at St. Louis, and even better Week 9 hosting the Saints.

Miles Austin. Never play cards with a guy who's name is a city. Maybe we should extend this rule to fantasy, as Miles Austin, Dallas Clark and Austin Collie's fantasy value took a major hit in Week 7. Jon Kitna at quarterback denies Miles the arm strength and escapability he needs to get down the field, but he's still a threat to take any short pass to the house.

Wes Welker. Welker has shown that he's healthy, if not explosive through the Pats' first six games. He's averaging 6 catches a game which puts him on pace for 96, so an increase in looks will be necessary to cross 100 a fourth straight year. Still, that he's healthy and Randy Moss is wearing purple are both positive signs for owners who knew it would take time for Wes to get all the way back.

MERCURY RISING

Kenny Britt. Britt is a fighter. Coach Jeff Fisher suspended Kenny for the start of Sunday's game, and was glad to see the lightning fast wideout land blow after blow against the Eagles after hearing his opening bell. Britt has now scored seven touchdowns in his last five games, scoring in all five, and it doesn't seem to matter if it's Vince Young or Kerry Collins under center. Opposing teams' focus on Chris Johnson will keep Kenny in single coverage, so continue to keep him in your lineup.

Ryan Fitzpatrick. Fitzpatrick has been a bright spot for the winless Bills, making the Trent Edwards Era feel like a distant memory. Ryan has thrown at least two TDs in each game he's started, providing a spark to a Bills team that came up just short vs. New England and Baltimore. His 374-yard/4 TD performance at Baltimore makes Fitzpatrick a fantasy commodity and a strong start three of the next four weeks (@ KC, CHI, DET, @ CIN).

Steve Johnson. No, he's not your kid's science teacher and he didn't try to sell you term life insurance over the phone. The Bills' number one wideout has an every-man quality that has left him virtually unowned until this week. A 5-158-1 performance in Baltimore is anything but common, and that it's the most recent in a 4-game touchdown streak is encouraging as well. Steve should lead the Bills in targets the rest of the season, and Fitzpatrick will continue to average more than 30 throws per game.

Brandon Pettigrew. Season-ending injuries to Dallas Clark and Jermichael Finley vault Brandon into the top tier of tight ends for the second half. Antonio Gates' owners got a scare as well, and will be looking to add a TE for his Week 10 bye. Pettigrew has huge upside and a big game this week will give him trade value as well. Add him.

Owen Daniels. Daniels has been slowly working his way back. 5 catches for 79 in Week 6 marked his best game of the season, and the bye should have him close to full speed. He's a solid start at Indy this week, as Houston will undoubtedly get him more involved than in Week 1, when he had just one reception.

Blair White. Just in time for Halloween, the Blair White Project becomes a viable fantasy option. In a stroke of geographical witchcraft, the power went out in Dallas and Austin just as the lights went on in Pierre and Blair. An ailing Colts' backfield is even more cause to add White, as Peyton will have to throw a ton to make the playoffs this year.

The Fat: Five for Firing

Mike Singletary. The 49ers promoted Mike Singletary at the midpoint of the 2008 season to give a listless team a jolt, and it worked. Mike led the 'Niners to a 5-4 finish, but fell flat in 2009, finishing 8-8 in his first full year. At 1-6, and after handing Carolina their first win, the 49ers find themselves at the bottom of both a weak NFC West and the entire league. That four of their losses are by a combined 11 points is telling; it means that the little things are making the difference for the 'Niners in too many of their games. Further boosting the organization's right to fire Singletary is the fact that he spent the first month of the season with an offensive coordinator that couldn't get the plays to his quarterback. That's a flat tire for an offense, and an issue that should've been addressed immediately, if not in the preseason.

Chan Gailey. Unlike Jimmy Raye, Chan Gailey was correctly dismissed as offensive coordinator by Chiefs' head coach Todd Haley just three games into the 2009 preaseason. In NFL head coach candidate terms, that's like being handed a lifetime ban. Enter the Buffalo Bills. Buffalo took a real chance hiring a man whose only success as an NFL head coach came with the ready-made Cowboys (who didn't win a playoff game under his guidance), and whose career at Georgia Tech can best be described as mediocre. At best. The Bills had two possible directions after Dick Jauron, neither of which were Chan Gailey. They could have handed the franchise to an established coach like Bill Cowher, Tony Dungy or Jon Gruden, or stayed with their own coaching prospect, Perry Fewell. For many Bills fans, Perry was the one to "Fewell the renewal" in western New York, but after going 3-4 as interim coach (and after shaping the Bills' defense into one of the best in the league) he was fired and took the Giants defensive coordinator job about five minutes later. The hiring of Chan Gailey along with other puzzling personnel decisions, and the team's Toronto address one week per season is evidence that a Major League-type maneuver may be underway.

Norv Turner. When the San Diego Chargers fired Marty Schottenheimer and hired Norv Turner, they replaced the coach who couldn't win in the postseason with the coach who couldn't get there. Norv's resume includes one playoff berth in seven seasons in Washington and 5-11 and 4-12 seasons in Oakland, yet somehow was enough for Chargers' management to hand him their 14-2 team. Inheriting a playoff team instead of having the all-too daunting task of building one, Norv has found the road to MartyBall-- he hasn't gotten out of the AFC after three straight division titles. A first-round loss to the Jets after going 13-3 was like a badly re-cast sequel to the 14-2 and out season that got Marty axed, but instead of the gun, they gave Norv the cannoli. He signed an extension through 2013 just weeks later, which makes firing Norv a big financial hit, but one worth taking for the 2-5 Bolts.

Brad Childress. In order for a head coach to be fired, he has to be the head coach first, right? Wrong. Brett Favre calls the shots in the Vikings' huddle, on the practice field, in the training room, at the bar, on the sex boat (some traditions can't be broken), and that was proven over and over Sunday night. Vikings' "head coach" Brad Childress felt unable to warm up Tarvaris Jackson when Brett came up gimpy, even with the consecutive starts streak already kept alive. The streak appears paramount to the league as well, who have yet to issue a suspension of any length for either his admitted use of painkillers during his MVP seasons in Green Bay or the revelation and text messaging of his pennis (sic!). The scandal, coupled with nagging injuries, has made the Brett Favre will-he-or-won't-he a weekly saga. In pure football terms, the 2-4 Vikings have wins over 1-win Detroit and 1-win Dallas with Brett at quarterback, and the underhand throw that was not one of his three interceptions was enough to get anyone benched. If Chilly's unwilling to sit Favre, then he's unwilling to win, as a hobbled gunslinger should not dominate an offense that features the best running back in the game. The Vikings' trip to New England next week should force the issue, as falling to 2-5 will beg the question: is it the Minnesota Favre or the Minnesota Vikings?

Wade Phillips. Wade and Norv are like two sides of a bad penny. One side is an offensive coordinator that should have stayed one, and the other a defensive coordinator who should've done the same. Whether it's a pocked neck and disappointing offense or an open-mouthed gape and bad defense, Chargers and Cowboy fans deserve a change. Wade has actually had the more successful head coaching career (making the playoffs in Denver, Buffalo and Dallas) but if the Cowboys lose to the Giants and move to 1-5, Jerry Jones will have no choice.

NFL Preview: Week 7

Chiefs vs. Jaguars. After a 3-0 start, the Chiefs were feeling great headed into their early bye, and should still be feeling pretty good, even following two straight road losses. Coach Todd Haley began the Indy game with an unsuccessful onsides kick and passed up two field goal attempts early, figuring you don't win in Indy with field goals. The Chiefs lost what ended up being a field-goals game 19-9, then blew a 21-7 lead in Houston to fall to 3-2. Jacksonville visits KC with a semi-surprising 3-3 record, but are coming off a dreadful MNF loss at Tennessee. Arrowhead advantage will be enough to overcome Haley's decision-making, as the Chiefs stay perfect at home and stay atop the AFC West.

Seahawks vs. Cardinals. The 3-2 Seahawks host the 3-2 Cardinals for sole possession in the NFC West. The Cards have been weak on the road, (barely topping St. Louis Week 1, then allowing 41 at Atlanta and San Diego) but visit Seattle coming off a win over the Saints and a bye. Pete Carroll's bunch returns home after a tough win in Chicago that marked the debut of Marshawn Lynch and a breakthrough for Mike Williams. The addition of Lynch seemed to fuel Justin Forsett, who was the more effective ballcarrier on Sunday, and both are in line for 15+ touches this week. The 12th Man moves to 3-0 and the 'Hawks a surprising 4-2 and first place.

Rams @ Bucs. Another matchup of somewhat surprising 3-win teams, as 3-3 St. Louis visits 3-2 Tampa Bay. Ironically, the Rams are in better shape than the Bucs, who despite their better record will chase the Saints and Falcons all year, while St. Louis has a better chance of beating out Seattle and Arizona. Their tough division makes this a must-win for Raheem Morris, who needs to prove that his Bucs can beat a team not from Carolina or Ohio.

Bears vs. Redskins. Despite losing to the Seahawks 23-20, the Bears got back to normal in Week 6. At least, they played a normal game in which their quarterbacks weren't running for their lives 1.5 seconds after the snap. Cutler, now two weeks removed from his concussion may move from normal to decent at Washington in Week 7, but this one has the markings of a late McNabb touchdown to win it.

Steelers @ Dolphins. Big Ben came back with a serious dong on Sunday, hooking up with Mike Wallace, Hines Ward and Heath Miller. On touchdowns. Rashard Mendenhall moves a little quicker than the glacier that bears his name, and the Steelers are the class of the AFC.

Titans @ Eagles. Injuries to Mike Vick and Vince Young changed this game from blink-and-you'll-miss-it to "are we in slo-mo?" With Kerry Collins under center, Jeff Fisher will give Chris Johnson the ball 35+ times if he has to, but it won't be enough vs. a better quarterbacked team with more weapons, even if DeSean Jackson can't go.

Patriots @ Chargers. Road games are tough, but they're not that tough. Norv Turner now has two blowouts at home, and losses at KC, Seattle, Oakland and St. Louis to account for his last-place 2-4 record. The Bolts' dominance at home will be tested by the Stetson Man and his Pats, who roll in to SoCal off a big win vs. Baltimore, and may not have to deal with Gates or Floyd. New England needs to gain on the idle Jets, and they'll get it done. Now 2-5, Chargers' GM A.J. Smith should return a few old library books as well as fire Norv Turner. They're overdue.

Giants @ Cowboys. Did someone say overdue library book? Wade Phillips has come out of the bye with losses vs. Tennessee and at Minnesota. With Tony Romo, Miles Austin, Jason Witten, Roy Williams, Felix Jones, Dez Bryant and Marion Barber all healthy and a 1-4 record to show for it, Jerry Jones has no business allowing Wade to coach another practice. A Giants win in Big D should seal Phillips' removal, but at 1-5 and totally out of it, maybe JJ will keep him and his gaping, open-mouthed glares at the jumbotron around for entertainment value.

Vikings @ Packers. Do Belichick's wonders ever cease? First he throws Randy right up against Revis, now Moss returns to the site of his full-moon celebration. Notice how when they flash back to that TD they don't play the audio? It's always overdubbed with a Moss quote from a press conference or something, because Joe Buck's reaction was so over-the-top you'd think he was spawned from the cheesefields of Wisconsin. His, "That was a disgusting act," and subsequent tirade was not only an overreaction to a relatively innoccuous gesture, but also pales in comparison to anything he's said (nothing) about the revelation and text-messaging of Brett Favre's pennis (sic).

Hiccups and Pickups: Week 6

FALLING DOWN

Michael Turner. Through six games, Turner has only two fantasy performances, neither of them monsters. He's averaging 78 yards per game, has just one touchdown and has topped 20 carries once. Turner makes a neat buy-relatively-low candidate, (no player taken in the top ten can be had for nothing) with a home game vs. Cincinnati, a bye, and then an easier-looking second half schedule.

Miles Austin. Two duds in his last three games is frustrating for Austin, whose unbelievably high ceiling makes him unbenchable. Despite 20 yards Week 3 at Houston and 12 yards Week 6 at Minnesota, Austin gets the sell-high tag thanks to his still-stellar numbers, but Dez Bryant is emerging and Roy Williams is stealing touchdowns.

Mike Tolbert. Tolbert filled in somewhat admirably during Ryan Mathews' absence, but certainly wasn't spectacular and showed difficulty holding onto the football. Following Mathews' return to a full load on Sunday, Tolbert found himself the short-yardage ballcarrier, netting just three yards and a TD on three carries. Expect similar output from Tolbert while the Chargers have all of their backs healthy, with Mathews the workhorse, Tolbert the plow, and Sproles the change-of-pace/receiving threat. All three should see increased work if Malcom Floyd and Antonio Gates are sidelined, making Mathews a nice-looking start (NE, TEN, @ HOU) for the next three weeks before the Bolts' bye.

Danny Amendola. Following his career-best 12/95 @ DET in Week 5, Amendola had many convinced that without Mark Clayton, he was the wideout to own in St. Louis. Undrafted out of Texas Tech, the 5'11" wideout/returner draws instant Wes Welker comparisons, but the emergence of Danario Alexander will return him to his early season role. Treat the one game in which he got an astounding 18 looks as an aberration, and expect more of the 5/50 games he put up with Clayton in the mix.

Kevin Walter. Walter fell short of 10 points for the third straight week, this time getting completely shut out by the Chiefs. The Texans' shift to a more balanced attack has turned Kevin Walter's looks into Arian Foster's carries, so like Amendola, throw out his 11-catch game. With Walter on the bye this week, you can safely drop him for a one-week rental, then re-acquire him if you like the @ Indy start Week 8. If you do, remember that you'd be starting the third/fourth receiving option in Houston (Johnson, Daniels, Jones) in a run-first system.

Michael Bush. Darren McFadden's expected return seals Bush's departure from fantasy lineups, though 47 yards on 20 carries against the 49ers may have done that on its own.

MERCURY RISING

Chris Ivory. The undrafted rookie was targeted by fantasy owners as a big add for Week 5, but fumbled and lost carries to Ladell Betts. Then Chris looked like Chris Johnson Week 6, as he shredded the Bucs for 158 yards on just 15 carries. Pierre Thomas doesn't seem quite ready to return, and even if he does, hasn't shown the kind of explosiveness Ivory showed last week. With a big performance vs. Cleveland, Ivory's per-game average will be a pure 99.44.

Deion Branch. When Tom Brady said that if the Pats brought back Deion Branch he'd pick him up at the airport, that was fantasy code for, "And I'll throw him a touchdown." Brady did better than that, targeting Branch 12 times and connecting on 9/98 and the first-quarter score. Randy's new address means plenty more looks for Deion, including this week at San Diego.

Pierre Garcon. This site's lack of a cedilla frustrates me almost as much as Pierre frustrated Reggie Wayne owners on Sunday night. While Reggie got 71 yards, he fell short for a lot of his owners in need of the 57-yard TD catch and 100-yard day that went to Garcon. Big play potential and his proximity to Peyton Manning make Pierre a fantasy starter after the Colts' bye this week.

Mike Williams. The 40-Year Old Virgin of the NFL, Mike Williams is actually 26, but finally seems to be getting his career started in Seattle. After tallying just 11 catches in his first four games, Mike grabbed 10 for 123 at Chicago and home vs. Arizona this week looks pretty good. In Tampa, Mike Williams keeps running hard routes all game and remains the only fantasy option worth considering for the Bucs.

Patrick Crayton. Malcom Floyd's hamstring injury may keep him out this week vs. New England, and Antonio Gates (toe, ankle) could be limited as well. This should steer the Chargers toward the running game, but will also free up looks in the passing game by default. Floyd's targets will go to Crayton and Buster Davis, and after Crayton's 100-yard performance at St. Louis, Patrick is the hot hand. Grab him if you're bye'd out at wideout this week (Wayne, Andre Johnson, Calvin Johnson, Austin Collie, Pierre Garcon, Braylon Edwards, Santonio Holmes) but if your league charges money for moves, don't pay to 'Cray.

Danario Alexander. Aren't NFL GMs great? Alexander led the nation with 113 receptions for 1,781 yards at Missouri last season, yet 32 teams passed on him even in the final rounds of the draft. Perhaps Buffalo Bills GM Buddy Nix forgot that it's risk/reward, not just risk, but the Bills have no need for a 6'5" number one wideout and they don't draft injured players (Willis McGahee), so the point is moot. The Rams took that risk by signing Alexander, whose knee is now fully healed from the Senior Bowl injury that damned his status as a prospect, and got rewarded with a 38-yard touchdown catch, among 72 yards on the day. Danario was on the field for about a third of the offensive snaps having just been elevated from the practice squad to the first team, but his role and production will grow in weeks to come if he can stay on the field.

Danny Woodhead. "Now that we've met our bigs, it's time to meet the littles!" The pint-sized Patriot gave the New England ground game "Sturdy Wings" on Sunday, as Danny has been a useful fantasy start in three straight. After scoring in wins over the Bills and Dolphins, Woodhead topped 110 yards from scrimmage on 11 carries for 63 and 5 catches for 52. Over 82,000 Yahoo! owners have added Danny today, so if you're thinking of taking a shot on the small wonder at San Diego, you're not alone.

No Data Available: The Jimmy Dolan Saga

True story. A friend calls me the other day and says, "Man, I could kill Jimmy Dolan right now." To which I respond, "Oh, what now?" (thinking to myself, has he brought back Isiah? Did he hire "Aaron" from Eastbound & Down to replace Glen Sather?). "My DVR is frozen again," he replied. Astonished, I sputtered, "I will drive over there right now and slap your face! This is the man that has presided over the worst era in the history of Madison Square Garden, and your beef is about your cable?"

His point was well taken, however, as it's the little things that will throw a person over the mental edge. And all dealings must be taken into account when the owner of a team is so personally responsible for that team's demise. Another example is Fred Wilpon, whose losses to Bernie Madoff must be considered when thinking about issues related to the Mets payroll. For Knicks and Rangers owner Dolan, his position as CEO of Cablevision makes him double the villain, as everybody hates their cable company (it's true!) and every fan hates an underqualified, over-involved owner.

Any Ranger fan will tell you that the Blueshirts went downhill pretty much right after their Stanley Cup win in 1994, which was when Dolan took over. Under his management, (and it is management when the owner hires or does not fire the GM) the Knicks have not won a playoff game in a decade. Despite one of the largest payrolls and despite bringing in high-profile and grossly overpaid coaches Lenny Wilkens, Larry Brown and Don Chaney, all of whom got paid millions after being fired.

Dolan remained under the Jedi mind trick of Isiah Thomas so long, it's entirely possible he's still in the trance. The Knicks actually sent Isiah to recruit LeBron James this past offseason, in a display of how utterly out of touch Dolan and GM Donnie Walsh truly are. What must a man do to get fired? Isiah ran the Knicks into the ground as GM and coach, then was found guilty of sexually harrassing Anucha Browne-Sanders, which cost MSG $11 million dollars. $3 million of which was paid by James Dolan himself, his penance for firing Browne-Sanders after she complained about Isiah's sexual affronts. That was 2007. The Knicks sent Isiah Thomas to recruit LeBron in 2010. And what did that communicate? "Hey LeBron, we're sending someone we hope you (don't) emulate for (not) us."

Dolan is a modern-day gangster. He's rich enough to say, "f*ck you" to just about anyone, and he does it all the time. Right now, the 8th-largest cable provider in the country is not carrying FOX or My9 networks due to financial disputes. This is just the latest in a string of battles involving Cablevision, as Dolan has gone to war with NBC-Universal, YES Network, NFL Network, and ABC. During the ABC dispute, the information stream viewers saw when they tried to tune in went as far as to say that ABC (and their parent company, Disney) had demanded inordinate amounts of money from Cablevision due to their reduced theme park revenues. That was the verbal equivalent of Dolan pulling down Mickey Mouse's shorts, revealing ghastly undersized testes, then showing them to whoever would look-- it's what the Winabi call the "Jimmy Dolan Shake and Bake." There is no doubt that the proliferation of satellite, fiber-optic and web-based TV has punctured the Dolan family's monopoly, but his dogged stance in every one of these fights should tell FOX and NewsCorp that they're in the ring with Nicky Santoro.

But for all his reputed drug and alcohol abuse, violent temper, horrid management style, and obviously poor decision-making, Dolan's primary sin was adhering to one of the most disruptive axioms in sports: "New York fans will NOT tolerate a period of rebuilding." Rangers and Knicks fans haven't had to tolerate periods of sustained winning either, due to all the time and money spent not rebuilding.

"Speak the truth, even if it leads to your death." This site's motto may be tested, so if I turn up in a meat freezer or wash up somewhere on Long Island, tell my story.

Walk Off: The Bobby Cox Story

Harry Truman. Dan Rather. Fredi Gonzalez? Fredi will have to be steady to earn a household name like his tough-act-to-follow predecessors, because in baseball, replacing Bobby Cox is like following FDR on the State of the Union or Walter Cronkite on the Evening News. By making their first managerial hire since then-GM Bobby hired himself in 1990, the time has come to honor Mr. Cox as one of the most prominent baseball men of the 20th Century.

Like many managers, Bobby's playing career wasn't spectacular. Though his .225/9/58 totals would surely be enough to sate Hanley Ramirez, his MLB coaching career began with three famous handshakes-- it was Bobby Cox coaching first base for the "Mr. October" Yankees in 1977. Bobby was then hired to manage the Braves in 1978.

In 1981, Ted Turner made a decision over which he admitted near-instant regret and fired Bobby, but was able to hire him back as GM in 1985 after watching him lead the Blue Jays for four successful seasons. Cox came back to star centerfielder Dale Murphy, who Bobby moved to the position from catcher in his first stint as Braves' skip a few years earlier.

Middle-Bobby ended and Prime Bobby began when he appointed himself field manager in 1990 after four-plus seasons of watching others fail in the role. He was right. The team he built as GM blossomed under his guidance and the Braves took the worst record in baseball in '90 and went to the World Series in 1991. Bobby's Braves would go on to win 14 consecutive division titles, and although many trumpet that he only won one World Series, he gave Atlanta fans a reason to fill the seats and fans across the South a reason to tune in every night for three decades.

Bobby leaves the dugout following a 2010 season that included elements of all of his seasons in Atlanta, and concluded with another playoff appearance. Although his latest blend of youth and experience fell short of the grand prize, Braves fans can feel confident that his former bench coach and true disciple Fredi Gonzalez will remember him at every step. Though he'll fall short of Bobby's (4th all-time) 2,504 career wins and 1st all-time 158 ejections, the Braves could not have made a better choice.

NFL Preview: Week 6

Cowboys @ Vikings. Fresh off their byes, the 1-3 Cowboys visit the 1-3 Vikings, in a game that can be most inaccurately described as, "exactly what Jerry Jones and Zygi Wilf were expecting." The Vikes are an absolute sideshow right now, with Brad "Chilly" Childress just chillin' and pretty much serving as a sight gag. The revelation of Brett Favre's pennis (sic) and the acquisition of Randy Moss only make their one win look even smaller, and if they lose at home to the Cowboys, it should be the end for the Bald Ego. Dallas has all the talent a team should need to earn a playoff spot but must fire Wade Phillips. Jerry Jones should've taken a closer look at his own operation instead of Ari Gold's this offseason and made the move to Jason Garrett. Fantasy starts (in order): Adrian Peterson, Miles Austin, Tony Romo, Jason Witten, Felix Jones, Percy Harvin, Dez Bryant, Visanthe Shiancoe, Brett Favre.

Pittsburgh vs. Cleveland. The Steelers welcome back the biggest head on Earth. Big Ben and his cabesa hit the ground running vs. the Browns, making him, Rashard Mendenhall, Hines Ward, Mike Wallace, and even Heath Miller fantasy plays this week. For Cleveland, Peyton Hillis' game at Baltimore gives faith that he can get it going vs. a tough run defense, but he's a borderline start this week, and the only one worth considering on the Browns roster.

Falcons @ Eagles. Heads up. The Falcons are 4-1 without looking that good thus far. This week they visit the Eagles, who are 3-2 despite their instability at quarterback and their 0-2 home record. With Kolb back under center (for now) for Andy Reid's bunch, treat Brent Celek and LeSean McCoy as must-starts, and DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin as quality starts that you'll probably take during a bye week. For Atlanta, Michael Turner, Roddy White, Tony Gonzalez, and Matt Ryan are all starts.

Ravens @ Patriots. Bill Belichick gets to debut his new-look offense at home, but not against the oppenent he'd choose. Baltimore visits New England, which is now minus one 6'4" model citizen, and will look to Wes Welker and rookies Aaron Hernandez and Brandon Tate to fill the stat sheet. The Ravens got Ray Rice rolling with 27 carries and will give the Pats defense a heavy dose again this week, as they try to keep the ball away from Tom Brady. Brady now goes back to his pre-Moss status as the best distributor-cap quarterback in the league, making any Patriots receiver a potential stud on a given week. For this week, start Brady, Welker and Hernandez, and consider the Law Firm as a decent flex play. For Baltimore, take Rice, Boldin and Flacco as you normally would, and Derrick Mason, Heap and Houshmandzadeh only if you need them, in that order.

Jets @ Denver. Finally. A Jets game that's just a football game with no Outside the Lines episode or a 30 in 30 dedicated to it. In their first game this season that's not against a fellow SuperBowl contender or a division rival, we'll find out if they need the drama. LaDanian has earned the starting job and has had monster games in Denver. Start him and Dustin Keller, consider Braylon Edwards and Santonio Holmes as good flex options. For the Broncos, Kyle Orton has completely transformed himself from caretaker of a below-average run-first offense in Chicago to the spark of a big air attack. With Revis still struggling with the hamstring he pulled carrying his money, Kyle should get it going again to Brandon Lloyd, Eddie Royal and Jabar Gaffney. Don't start Knowshon Moreno in his first game back vs. the Jets front seven.

Colts @ Redskins. "There's nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster." Dr. Evil was spot-on, but he didn't know about Niners/Raiders. Expect a nice performance from both quarterbacks, but give the edge to Ryan Torain over Joseph Addai in this one, as the 'Skins will want to keep the ball away from Peyton. Reggie Wayne, Dallas Clark and Austin Collie should all crack your lineup, and Santana Moss and Chris Cooley are Redskins worth using.

49ers vs. Raiders. This should be it for Mike Singletary. If the Niners, who have suffered no significant injuries, lose at home to the Raiders and fall to 0-6, they'll have make a change. Won't they? Start: Frank Gore, Michael Bush, Zach Miller, Vernon Davis, Michael Crabtree.

Dolphins @ Packers. The Dolphins got healthy in Week 5 while the Packers got hurt. A preseason favorite in the NFC, Green Bay's Super-hopes dwindled a bit more when they lost leading receiver Jermichael Finley for the season. This is good news for Greg Jennings and Donald Driver owners, but bad news for the Pack, who are now down to one dimension of their already one-dimensional offense. Start: Aaron Rodgers, Brandon Marshall, Greg Jennings, Donald Driver, Ronnie Brown, Ricky Williams, Brandon Jackson, Davone Bess, Chad Henne.

Saints @ Bucs. Three awful teams on the bye (Buffalo, Carolina, Cincinnati) continues to result in great matchups Week 6. After losing at Arizona, the defending champs are 3-2 and face division rival Tampa Bay, who have Carolina and the state of Ohio to thank for their 3-1 start. Still, the Bucs have been playing tough, and the Saints need a solid road win to get back into the conversation about the NFC's elite. Take Drew Brees and all of his receivers, and Mike Williams for the Bucs.

Titans @ Jaguars. The NFL's version of Tennessee vs. Florida. Not quite the salt of the college rivalry, but both teams come in with 3-2 records, top-tier running backs, mobile quarterbacks and solid receiving targets. The difference is the defense; the Titans have one. Start: Chris Johnson, Maurice Jones-Drew, Marcedes Lewis, and take a shot on Mike Sims-Walker and Kenny Britt on Monday Night.

Halloween Costume Ideas from RomoBall

Lou Brown. Proud of your imitation of Major League skipper Lou Brown? Bust it out this Halloween and tip your cap to one of the great sports characters of all time. Required: Cleveland Indians jersey and (adjustable) cap, baseball pants and cleats, thick wig and mustache. Fat suit is optional depending upon your carriage/budget, but some sort of stuffing inside the jersey should do it.

Norman Dale. Dark pants, some shade of tan or khaki-colored shirt, brown leather jacket, and keep that necktie short. Throw a whistle around your neck, grab a black folder (folded vertically) and you're in like an Ollie freethrow. Barking about "four passes" all night is optional. For the supremely tall, try and find a red basketball jersey and a gold pair of gym shorts, grease up your hair, grab a basketball and walk out the door as Jimmy Chitwood.

Sue Sudio. For the 80s chica. Throw on your most comfortable jeans, then grab a bowling shirt. Maybe you can get one with the name "Sue" on the front, but if not, making a nametag shouldn't be that hard. Use masking tape or a better method to spell "Sudio" on the back. Say the word.

Walter Sobchak. Imagine a tan vest with unlimited pockets over a black t-shirt, big tinted sunglasses and shorts (for comfort). Grow out or draw on the beard and let the fun begin. The possibilities are endless, so don't lug around a bowling ball or dog carrier (unless you have a showdog). Maybe you can find one of those Halloweeny severed fingers, paint the nail green and cut it so it looks more like a toe, then put it in a jewelry box and store it in any one of your pockets. Firearms (real or fake) are not recommended.

Rudy. For the diminutive Hallo-weiner. Grab a Notre Dame jacket, throw on a pair of jeans and go as Daniel E. "Rudy" Ruettiger. And make sure to complain a lot. You never got any respect from your brothers, you watched your best friend Pete die in a tragic accident, your older brother Johnny stole your girl, you're working for minimum wage, sleeping four hours a night in a dungeon and getting your head kicked in by the Fighting Irish starters. It's amazing you didn't just snap when Ara Parseghian quit, but hang in there. Your moment of redemption is nigh.

Al Czervik. Great golfer. Pure and simple. Make it Christmas in October with red pants, a green shirt, white cap, shoes and belt. If you're more of a villain, and if you can find that hat, grab the pink polo, white pants and your putter and you're g-g-g-g-oing to be a hit. Just hang onto the putter.

Lucas. Know someone who's already going as Rudy? Take it one step further. Throw it back to the 80s with a late-great Corey Haim tribute. Required: moderate height, slight build, generic red football jersey, pants, cleats and glasses. Helmet optional, but oversized shoulderpads and a redhaired date would cinch it.

Howard Cosell. Tell it like it is all night. Get a mustard-yellow blazer, a bad wig, sharpen your wit, and bring the Rock Band mic for full effect. For guys a bit bigger that dig the ABC Sports angle, go as Keith Jackson and when someone takes a shot yell, "Touchdoooown Alabama!"

Counting Down the Rocky Sequels

1. Rocky IV. The best Cold War movie ever. Rocky topples the Russian(s). The real question here is, how did Dolph Lundgren get cast as He-Man just two years later? Millions of kids were first getting acquainted with Ivan Drago, the human version of The Terminator, and some casting director thinks kids are going to believe he's a good guy? I'm 30 and I still don't believe it. Masters of the Universe would've been better with Van freaking Damme. Following Balboa's ultimate triumph and victory speech, the standing ovation he gets from the Moscow crowd including Gorby himself is pure cinematic moxie, and should've been the final moment for the franchise.

2. Rocky II. There is a temptation to rank Rocky II as the worst of the Rocky sequels, blaming its success for all that followed. In this one, Rocky deals with impolite ad men, unemployment, his car payments and getting fired from a meatpacking plant. To quote Kathy Bates from Primary Colors, "it's all so human and awful." But Rocky triumphs, meeting his newborn son only after Adrian comes out of her coma, and beats Apollo by one second in a match that earns this movie its spot.

3. Rocky III. We rejoin Rocky as he's riding high, listening to "Eye of the Tiger" while he's losing his. He's the Champ, has numerous title defenses since outlasting Apollo, yet doesn't seem to even recognize Clubber Lang (or his number one ranking) at his retirement press conference. He also allows Clubber's accosting of Adrian to go on comically long. Rocky III's ethos is driven by the passing of his surly trainer, Mickey Goldmill. In his first go-round with hot, sweet mortality, Clubber is to blame for Mickey's death, Rocky is knocked out for the first time on-screen, and Apollo swoops in to train his venerable rival against their mutual nemesis, Lang. Hulk Hogan is memorable as "Thunderlips," Mr. T. is convincing as the disrespected brawler from Chicago, and Apollo's beach training sequences with Rocky do more than border on homoeroticism. Highly watchable and replete with montages, this is a true 80's movie.

4. Rocky V. After losing Mickey in Rocky III and Apollo in IV, Rocky's money is put to sleep in Rocky V. Broke and retired (again), Rocky goes back, where he started, this time working at Mighty Mick's, with Adrian across the street at J & M Tropical Fish. Rocky goes from managing the gym to managing Tommy Gunn all the way to the top, only to be dumped in favor of Don King parody George Washington Duke. He then wins a streetfight and walks off (and presumably lives the rest of his life) happy being King of the Neighborhood.

5. Over the Top. Rocky throws everyone a curveball when he changes his name to Lincoln Hawk, wins an armwrestling tournament and his son's love, thwarting the evil Robert Loggia. After a summer he described as "wild as hell," he returns to his life in Philadelphia and the professional boxing circuit.

6. Rocky Balboa. There isn't much to say about the final chapter of the life and times of our hero. Not much to say at all. Other than Milo Ventimiglia is just awful.

NFL Preview: Week 5

Vikings @ Jets. If only this game had an angle. LaDainian Tomlinson shined in Buffalo, returning to a feautured role as the Jets backed up the smack and moved to 3-1, including wins over all their divisional opponents. He'll face the running back of this generation, as Adrian Peterson and the Vikings come to New Jersey with just one win and a new star wideout. Randy Moss probably thought a trade would mean his Revis days and sleepless nights were over, but he'll have to face Darrelle twice this year as originally scheduled. Oh yeah, Santonio Holmes is back from suspension and will make his Jets debut on MNF. Tune in.

Chiefs @ Colts. Q. What do the Chiefs secondary and their 3-0 record have in common? A. They're both about to get broken by Peyton Manning. If this game were scheduled in Arrowhead it would be easier to imagine a scenario in which the walking hall-of-famer didn't shred KC. It may take another 50 attempts, but at home on the turf, Peyton will find a way to hand the Chiefs their first loss.

Ravens vs. Broncos. After barely winning at Pittsburgh against the Big Ben-less Steelers, the 3-1 Ravens have to improve to win their division. The combination of Dennis Dixon and primarily Charlie Batch were this close to a 4-0 start for the Steelers, they get their starting QB back and have the bye this week to think about it, then face Cleveland. There are no trap games for Ray Lewis, so the Ravens should outlast Kyle Orton and the Denver air attack, but a visit to New England Week 6 will put their division lead at risk.

Giants @ Texans. Through the first four weeks, the Jekyll-and-Hyde Giants have looked either dominant or absolutely awful, while the Janus-faced Texans have been dominant on offense and absolutely awful on defense. League-leading rusher Arian Foster will slow the Giant pass rush that Matt Forte and Chester Taylor could not, allowing Matt Schaub to make just enough plays to Andre Johnson to win and move to 4-1.

Chargers @ Raiders. In search of their first road win, San Diego should find it in Oakland. The Bolts are now missing just Vincent Jackson, with Marcus McNeill signed and Mathews and Merriman back from injuries, so all systems are officially go. The regular season tear has begun for Norv's bunch, to be followed by the postseason tears for Chargers fans.

Panthers vs. Bears If Jimmy Clausen is going to win a game this year, here's his chance. The 0-4 Panthers host 3-1 Chicago, who are forced to start Todd Collins, who turns 39 in a month and is already banged up from his share of the Giant mauling last week. Carolina will be without Steve Smith, allowing John Fox unlimited carries for Williams and Stewart, who will work to wear down a tough front seven. With the biggest air weapons out for both teams, this should be a ground game where the edge goes to Carolina. If Mike Martz tries to open it up with Collins or third-stringer Caleb Hanie, the Panthers could win this one on D.

Hiccups and Pickups: Week 4

FALLING DOWN

Matt Forte. After a monster receiving day Week 1 and a touchdown Week 2, Forte has been weak, putting up consecutive stinkers. With Jay Cutler out this week, the Panthers will load up on the run and short passing game and force Todd Collins to look downfield. Just a few fantasy backs are on the bye Week 5 (Brown/Williams, Green-Ellis, Mendenhall) so hopefully you can bench Forte until Chicago and Cutler have it working again.

DeSean Jackson. New Rule. So goes Mike Vick, so goes DeSean Jackson. For the speedster, his success with McNabb and Vick dictate that a mobile quarterback gives him time to execute double-moves and burn defenders deep. Until Vick gets back, view DeSean as a flex play that might break one, but would also be a threat to score on a run or punt return.

Darren McFadden. McFadden and Ahmad Bradshaw are a couple of semi-surprises rounding out the NFL's top 5 rushers through the first month, behind Foster, Mendenhall and Peterson. McFadden's 554 yards from scrimmage through 4 games will be stalled by a hamstring injury that has jeopardized his status for this week vs. San Diego.

Malcom Floyd. There are a few reasons Malcom makes this list, despite being the clear #1 wideout in San Diego. Antonio Gates will always be Philip Rivers' first option, he'll be facing shutdown corner Nnamdi Asomugha this week, the Bolts have Mathews and Tolbert going well, and there is a chance that Vincent Jackson just might want to play football this year. His strong play thus far and a potential Jackson return in Week 7 make Malcom a nice sell-high candidate for teams with WR depth.

Clinton Portis. "That popping sound you're hearing is actually Clinton Portis' groin." While CP isn't an alien (as far as we know) bench this citizen of The District until week 9.

MERCURY RISING

Maurice Jones-Drew. Fantasy owners got their MoJo back in Week 4. Pocket Hercules crossed the century mark for the first time since last December (also against Indy), and just the second time in his last 11 games. He'll get two in a row as the Jags visit Buffalo, who may as well start the Jills on defense after their performance vs. LT and the Jets made the Griswold's house on Christmas look dim.

Ricky Williams. The first bye week helped Ricky find some lineups in time for his first fantasy game of the season, gaining 56 rushing yards and adding 45 and a score through the air. Ricky's 7.0 per-carry average (10 yards per touch) will put him heavily in the mix during the Dolphins' bye-week practices and will make him useful, if not essential, as the season progresses.

Marshawn Lynch. Despite topping 1,000 yards in his first two seasons, Lynch fell out of favor in Buffalo after a disappointing 2009 on and off the field. A trade anywhere represents an upgrade for Marshawn, who brings his career 4.0 per-carry average to Seattle. We'll take it. Buffalo's Fred Jackson and C.J. Spiller get a bump into the fantasy universe this week with Marshawn gone, but only because they're hosting the Jags.

Ryan Torain. The door was already opening when an injury to Dollar Bill's groin busted it down. Five years and 1,800 carries younger than the eccentric workhorse, Ryan should eat up plenty of terrain as the starter in upcoming weeks, as the Redskins have games against the Colts and Lions among their next four.

Brandon Tate. Whispers about a possible trade for Vincent Jackson should be taken with a big bag of rock salt. New England and San Diego are probably the two most hard-headed teams in the NFL who would both rather teach their players a lesson than swap holdouts pre-deadline, so it's a safe bet that VJ won't be brought in mid-stream to replace Randy Moss. That leaves the speedster Tate, who should benefit with Tom Brady again being allowed to do what he does best, throw to the receiver who's open. Weapons Welker, Hernandez and Tate will not complain when they don't get the ball, leaving Brady to feel relaxed and unobliged to force throws, as he did when the Pats were winning SuperBowls.

Dexter McCluster. In Yahoo! leagues, McCluster qualifies as an RB, making him a sneaky play this week at Indy and for the rest of the season. The speed merchant went undrafted in many leagues and a lot of owners dropped him after a successful, yet unspectacular (fantasy-wise) first three games. The Chiefs' schedule is light, their bye is behind them, and their offense lends itself to big plays. Dexter's 69 yards and a TD in Week 3 is an encouraging sign that the player that could only be described as absolutely explosive while at Ole Miss will hit the highlight reels soon. Depending on their roster's makeup and especially in PPR leagues, some owners might consider starting McCluster at RB2, and going 4-wide.

Hiccups and Pickups: Week 3

FALLING DOWN

Ray Rice. Ray Rice hosting the Browns looked like the second-best RB start in Week 3. While Adrian Peterson delivered the monster game we expected, Rice totaled just 80 rushing yards and 16 receiving and was again held out of the endzone. Rice has scored just one touchdown in his last ten games, is averaging 70 yards rushing and 22 receiving through three this year, and suffered a knee injury late in the game. Owners that opted for a QB with their early-to-mid first rounder should buy themselves a beer, and Rice should sit out the Pittsburgh game this week.

Steven Jackson. Another elite back off to a ho-hum start that made things even worse for his owners by getting hurt Week 3. Initial word is that S-Jax didn't tear his groin, but the ailment should be enough to keep him out this week vs. the Seahawks, and should certainly deem him unworthy of starting lineups barring great news on Sunday morning. Backup RB Kenneth Darby makes only a decent play vs. the Seahawks' run defense, but with five RBs on the bye this week (Peterson, Charles/Jones, Barber/Jones) Jackson owners may drop one in the Wishing Well.

Steve Smith. Will we ever know just how good this guy is? Nothing new for the real Steve Smith, who traded Jake Delhomme's bum elbow for Matt Moore's, and now gets to risk his life going up for Jimmy Clausen ducks. If he had a consistent quarterback over the past decade, Steve would never have to hear people even think about thinking about who the better wideout is.

Jason Witten. Jason Witten edges out Brett Favre for the "Thank God my Bye is Week 4" Award. He'll get to rest that cabesa and heal up a little bit, and will have to work hard to keep Martellus Bennett from gaining the edge in looks Week 5.

Marques Colston. Tough couple weeks for Reggie Bush-- sending the Heisman back broke his heart, then the 49ers broke his leg. With Bush out, the opportunity was there for Marques Colston to reestablish himself as Brees' go-to option and a PPR player's dream. Instead, Colston was covered again, limited to just 25 yards on the day. While Marques has been a reliable target, he had just two 100-yard games last season, three the year before that, and hasn't been the truly explosive fantasy player he was in his first two seasons from 2006-07.

Clinton Portis. Deja vu? It took about seven years for Clinton to get old in Washington, and Redskins fans are hoping it's not a repeat. If your name is LaDainian Tomlinson, congratulations. You're the only back that was better than Portis in the '00s. If not, you probably have a lot less mileage on you than Portis. An average of 46 yards per game vs. DAL, HOU and STL isn't getting it done, and his owners should target Keiland Williams as insurance.

MERCURY RISING

Lance Moore. Lance Moore came back to fantasy with the biggest game of his career. 6/149/2 vs. ATL in Week 3 (and his '08 season of 79/928/10) is enough to take a chance on Lance in Drew Brees' offense. He'll compete with Devery Henderson for the deep looks, but with Marques drawing the most attention and Pierre running well, sustained production is not beyond the realm.

BenJarvus Green-Ellis. Is there anything better than Dick Enberg saying this guy's name? It's like a four-act opera in which you never knew the word Green could have that many syllables. Laurence Maroney to Denver, Kevin Faulk to IR, Fred Taylor has 2,500 lifetime carries and Sammy Morris is a spot guy. You don't have to go to Harvard to figure out that you should join the Law Firm outside Boston.

Peyton Hillis. Can this man remove Peyton from first-name status? In fantasy circles, he just might. That Hillis' career-best 144 rush yards came at Baltimore is very encouraging, and coach Mangini will have no choice but to stay with Hillis, who also grabbed 7 for 36 yards.

Dustin Keller. Two monster games in a row for Keller, who followed his 7/115/1 day vs. New England with an even bigger 6/98/2 night in Miami. Throw out his first game vs. Baltimore as an extremely tough matchup and you have a tight end that has shown the ability to take a game over. If he's your backup, you might consider trading your number one TE and giving DK the big job.

Aaron Hernandez. Listed at 6'1"/245, Hernandez is more like a huge wideout than a true tight end. Use this to your advantage and get the fastest TE-eligible player we've seen since Marques Colston rookied. Kevin Faulk's season-ending injury opens up 6-7 looks in the pass game and solidifies that the trio of Welker, Moss and Hernandez will get most of Brady's attention. Grab him as a bye-week replacement, or even just to keep him away from the rest of your league.

Counting Down the 10 Worst Sports Movies

10. Mr. 3000. Bernie Mac was a very funny man. Just not in this particular film. Let us remember him instead as a man that once voiced a character named "Fruit Juice" in the animated film 'Lil Pimp.

9. Invincible. Save an hour-plus of your time and watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Gang Gets Invincible from Season 3.

8. The Fan. A movie that probably looked great on paper but didn't translate to the screen, The Fan is the second-worst on Bobby D's resume.

7. Driven. Kip Pardue gives one of the all-time worst performances in cinematic history, sports or no sports.

6. Leatherheads. George Clooney tried to make a Coen Brothers film. Tried.

5. Invictus. Nelson Mandela is finally portrayed by real-life doppelganger Morgan Freeman, and it's the elderly, rugby superfan Mandela he gives us. Tragic.

4. For Love of the Game. Oh, for the love of...

3. Ali. Ali first lost its integrity when the man himself was at the premiere. Its authenticity is further diminished each painfully long minute, with Jon Voigt and Mario van Peebles woefully miscast as icons Howard Cosell and Malcolm X. Ron Silver as Angelo Dundee is just preposterous. With respect to Will Smith, who does transform in the role, Jada's presence further robs this biopic of any realism whatsoever. There are a number of Ali documentaries that are far more worthy of your time.

2. Two for the Money. Matthew McConaughey is an actor who isn't known for his acting. He's at his abso-worst in this 2005 clunker.

1. Any Given Sunday. All the NFL players that ever suited up wouldn't make up for the made-up teams that cost this movie its authenticity. That nearly any given actor is in Any Given Sunday also makes its suspension-of-disbelief factor about on par with Hot Tub Time Machine.

Counting Down the 20 Best Sports Films: Honorable Mention

Kingpin. Bill Murray is hilarious and Woody Harrelson and Randy Quaid are amusing in the second-best movie about a bowler.

The Big Lebowski. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? Okay then.

Fever Pitch. Jimmy Fallon actually works as the lead in a role that's as close to playing himself as he'll ever get. Though he did get a little pissed when Drew kept calling him "Adam" off-camera.

Bull Durham. Incredibly, this list of the 50 Greatest Sports Films puts Bull Durham ahead of Rocky. Too bad Ron Shelton wasn't born a decade earlier, he'd have a Best Picture Oscar over his fireplace.

Little Giants. Is it coincidence that football movies are good and baseball movies are great? And that football movies are funny and baseball movies are hilarious? This is a good football movie that's funny, extra point for being kid-friendly.

He Got Game. Spike Lee tried really hard. Maybe a little too hard, as He Got Game is at once wonderfully authentic, poorly acted and 45 minutes too long. One of the worst performances in cinematic history comes courtesy of Al Palagonia, (which must be Italian for "Pal of Spike Lee") whose turn as super-agent Dom Pagnotti is about as bad as it gets and the reason this is a movie not a film.

Kicking and Screaming. Will Ferrell is always fun to watch playing sports (Semi-Pro, Talladega Nights, Blades of Glory) but K'ing and S'ing is due a special nod for being one of the funniest PG movies to come out in the '00s. If you have soccer kids, this is a buy.

The Greatest Game Ever Played. It's not the greatest film ever made, but for golf fans, Shia is your Spider-Man. Hi, I'm Francis. Have Ouimet?

School Ties. The Dead Poets Society of the 90's, School Ties basically started the careers of Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Brendan Fraser (you're welcome) and Chris O'Donnell. Even ol' Will Hunting's boy Cole Hauser makes his debut.

Hiccups and Pickups: Week 2

FALLING DOWN

Maurice Jones-Drew. Pocket Hercules got struck by the Lightning on Sunday, gaining just 31 yards on the ground and catching one ball for 17 yards. MJD will be looking for his best Best impression this week, as the Jags host the defensively offensive Lions.

Jamaal Charles. Chiefs fans will take it, but Jamaal's owners will not. Thomas Jones got twice Jamaal's carries in Week 2, as the biggest home-run threat in the AFC West was kept in the park...by Cleveland. Offensive coordinator Charlie Weis will look to get Charles more involved in the coming weeks, but at 2-0, can't exactly be criticized either.

Ryan Mathews. Ryan's ankle injury seemed like deja vu after Ryan Grant went down on opening weekend, but that he begged to get back in the game offers Mathews owners some hope. Still, Mike Tolbert looked really good and should eat into Mathews' workload once he's ready to return.

Shonn Greene. A statistical improvement over his Week 1 effort, Greene's 52 rushing yards vs. the Patriots may not have been enough to keep his starting job. LaDainian was the more effective back on Sunday, and to this point in the season has been the more prepared, reliable performer.

Greg Jennings. A game that fantasy owners salivate over often results in a stinker for the team's number one air option. The Bills were able to do one thing successfully on Sunday, which was keep Jennings off the scoreboard. He'll easily improve on his 3/31 outing this week, but Jennings is the type of team-first player that would take that statline in a winning effort every time.

MERCURY RISING

Jahvid Best. Jahvid may have had his best career game in just his second. Owners who had him benched vs. the highly rated Philly D will be chasing this effort all year long, and though he won't top 40 points with regularity, he's worth a weekly start until further notice.

Jason Snelling. Mike Turner's injury gave Snelling the Chance, and now Atlanta fans are beating their Community Chest about their loaded backfield. Though Turner seems to be fine, Snelling is his unquestioned understudy and absolutely worth picking up, especially given Turner's propensity for getting nicked up.

LeSean McCoy. LeSean was able to Run Away from the Lions all game on Sunday, to the tune of 120 yards and three touchdowns. Best guess is The Real McCoy will be in Jim Schwartz's head while he sleeps for at least a few weeks..."Another night, another dream, but always you."

DeSean Jackson. DeSean likes Michael Vick, he just doesn't like it when he calls him "dog." Either way, Jackson's game was unleashed with Vick under center, and calls for Kevin Kolb are fainter than that kid at the spelling bee.

Demaryius Thomas. Georgia Tech recruited Demaryius to replace Calvin Johnson. He did. The Broncos drafted Demaryius to replace Brandon Marshall. He will. If you need to fill a WR or a WR/RB slot, realize that GT and Denver have a lot more riding on their success than you.

Kevin Walter. There's plenty to go around when your QB throws for 497 yards. It won't be that abundant for Walter every week, but that his 11-catch performance came in a monster game for Andre is encouraging. Until Owen Daniels shows that he's a fantasy threat again, view Kevin as the number two receiving option in Houston, which is certainly worth rostering.

Brandon Pettigrew. Opening week starter Matthew Stafford seemed to prefer Tony Scheffler, but that trend reversed completely in Week 2, as replacement Shaun Hill found Pettigrew 7 times for 108 yards against the Eagles. Pettigrew is a nice guy to add if he has a different bye week than the tight end you drafted, or if you went with Jason Witten or Brent Celek and want some insurance.

NFL Preview: Week 2

Steelers @ Titans. Chris Johnson's streak of 12 straight 100-yard games will be put to the test on Sunday against a Pittsburgh D that limited Michael Turner in Week 1. But Johnson is a different breed of back and he will be relied upon heavily, so the century mark is certainly within reach. All the Titans' other offensive players get slightly downgraded for this matchup, except Rob Bironas. For the Steelers, until Big Ben gets back, just Mendenhall and Hines Ward are must-starts every week. Mike Wallace and Heath Miller are on the fringe until that time. Take the Titans in a field-goals game.

Ravens @ Bengals. Baltimore's offense should rebound from their poor showing in Week 1. The Bengals are far less stingy on D than the Jets, which should signal breakouts for Ray Rice and Joe Flacco, and simultaneous sighs of relief from their owners. Carson Palmer, Cedric Benson, T.O. and C.O. will pose more of a threat to the Ravens D than the Jets, but against this hard-hitting unit, they could all be in for a long day. Baltimore wins this roadie and moves to an earned 2-0. Their Week 6 visit to New England might just determine home-field advantage in the AFC.

Vikings vs. Dolphins. Adrian Peterson will get on track in Week 2 vs. the Dolphins. The void left by Sidney Rice was a cavernous one, as evidenced by Bernard Berrian and Percy Harvin's inability to make plays. The Vikings will have to go back to basics for some time until they either acquire Vincent Jackson, have Sidney Rice back from his hip injury, or both. Until then, Visanthe Shiancoe seems to be Favre's most reliable target, and if that's true, they'll be leaning heavily on AP. Take Peterson and the Minny O-line over Ronnie and Ricky.

Colts vs. Giants. This is a pride game for Peyton and a house-money game for Eli. The Texans found the formula vs. Indy last week, and the Giants will want to get Bradshaw and Jacobs going, which will take even more pressure off of lil' bro. There is no doubt that Peyton has been stewing over the Colts' Week 1 defeat, and will do whatever he can to stave off 0-2. Take Indy in another high-scoring tilt.

Patriots @ Jets. This game will be played at 4:15pm Sunday in northern New Jersey, but may as well be played on New Year's Eve at midnight...on the moon. The Jets will be desperate to not open their new building 0-2, but Tom and Randy will be juiced up just boarding the bus to Soprano-ville. The Pats win this one handily, and at 2-0, are extremely tough to move from atop the AFC East.

Chargers vs. Jaguars. The Jags look to be AFC West slayers, having dispatched the Broncos in Week 1 and taking aim at the Chargers this Sunday. The Chargers are out to prove that rain, Arrowhead and special teams were the reasons they fell to KC, and will certainly improve in two of those areas this week. Rivers, Gates, Mathews, Floyd and I am Legedu are all starts this week; for the Jags, use MJD, and only activate Garrard, Sims-Walker and Lewis if you have to.

Bears @ Cowboys. The Bears got gifted their 1-0 start and the Cowboys gifted theirs away. The significance of Tashard Choice's fumble that got returned for Washington's lone TD is twofold. First, if Dallas just took a knee they would have won 7-6. Second, the catch was one of 7 touches in the game for Choice, while Felix and MB3 only received 8 carries apiece. Tashard is useful in either back's absence, but shouldn't two lead running backs be enough to spell each other? Increased workload helps any runner get into a rhythm, and Dallas' attempts to get three guys going in one game may cost them many. For Bears fans, Jay Cutler's 372 yards in his first regular season game under offensive coordinator Mike Martz was almost as big an exhale as the one let out at the end of regulation.

Chiefs @ Browns. This is Patriots-Jets Lite. Ex-Jet Mangini's dogs host ex-Pats Scott Pioli, Charlie Weis, Romeo Crennel and Matt Cassel in Week 2. There's way less salt to this matchup than the real deal, but these teams, specifically their executives and coaches, know each other well. The Chiefs will make the Chargers' inevitable uphill climb even tougher, beating out the Browns and starting out 2-0.

Texans @ Redskins. A matchup of surprising 1-0 teams, few expected Houston to top Peyton and Shanny to beat the Eagles in their openers. But here they are, Arian Foster for President and McNabb undefeated in DC. Schaub gets rolling in Week 2 and Foster provides a balanced attack that will be enough to lower Donovan's winning percentage by 500 points.

Week 1: The Fat

Skinny is out. Let's chew The Fat.

Ravens 10, Jets 9. The talking stopped and the hitting started, and the Ravens outslugged the Jets in their new-home opener 10-9. The Jets were out of synch on offense and awfully grabby on defense, resulting in 14 penalties including six that resulted in first downs for the Ravens. The Jets looked like a team that had a TV show not a training camp, and will have a very tough time not starting out 0-2 when New England rolls in on Sunday.

Texans 34, Colts 24. Arian Foster took about 231 steps toward becoming a fantasy-household name in Week 1, helping the Texans beat Peyton Manning for the first time in four years. The Colts are who we thought they were; they can throw the ball and can't stop the run, only this time they lost. Peyton topping 50 attempts is never a good sign, and as we wonder, "What about Bob" Sanders, we realize he's actually the opposite of the Bill Murray character, because he's never there.

Saints 14, Vikings 9. The Vikings' underuse of Adrian Peterson, not a lack of offensive weapons, was the reason they fell to the Saints on Thursday night. Brad Childress didn't give AP any 4th quarter carries in a game they lost by...5? The head coach gave into his Wrangler pitchman of a QB and let him sling it all second half, instead of giving the best tailback in the conference even one touch late in the game.

Bears 19, Lions 14. Chicago fans got gifted a Week 1 win, and also a glimpse of things to come from new offensive coordinator Mike Martz. Jay Cutler is now back to J-Cut after spending most of 2009 as his inept alter-ego "cuddles." The Lions not only lost a game they should have won on Calvin Johnson's clear TD, but also lost their quarterback, who's next in line at the office of Dr. James Andrews.

Dolphins 15, Bills 10. In addition to being one of the most talent-light teams in the league, the Bills have endured some of the toughest schedules over the past few seasons. The Chan Gailey era got off to a rough start, as Buffalo hosted Miami in the season opener and lost 15-10. The beauty of this rivalry was always the Dolphins hosting the first matchup and Buffalo hosting the second, usually in cold weather. Home field advantage aside, the Bills' selection of J.P. Losman over Steven Jackson in 2004 continues to haunt the beleaguered franchise.

Redskins 13, Cowboys 7. Winning despite Wade has drifted into losing because of him. Phillips' woeful gameplan cost the Cowboys a win, as his lead tailbacks totaled just eight carries apiece. Marion Barber is a bruising-style runner that can wear down defenses and Felix Jones is an absolute burner. Perhaps it's just too advanced for Wade to realize he should pound Barber early, then unleash a fresh Felix.

Seahawks 31, 49ers 6. The Pete Carroll Era is off to a flying start. The Seahawks flipped the script in their home opener, pounding the 49ers 31-6 when the experts predicted the opposite. Having gotten out of USC while the getting out was good, PC seems right at home in Seattle.

Patriots 38, Bengals 24. All systems go. Brady-to-Welker is back. Newcomers Aaron Hernandez, Rob Gronkowski and Brandon Tate have already made names for themselves. Just another Week 1 for the Patriots, who roll into the New Meadowlands with a chance to hand the Jets an 0-2 start.

Packers 27, Eagles 20. Even with the Saints winning the SuperBowl last season and the Jets acting like it, Green Bay had the most SuperBuzz heading into the '10 season. The Packers proved their backers right on Sunday by bringing down the Eagles, their quarterback, and their fans. They will have more of a challenge without Ryan Grant going forward, but if Brandon Jackson can raise his game, they should still make good on all those predictions.

Chiefs 21, Chargers 14. Since drafting LaDainian Tomlinson, the Chargers have been the main event in the AFC West. LT is gone now, and on Monday night KC sent a message that their division crown may be next. Norv will have to avoid his usual 2-3 start in order to shift the focus from players that aren't playing to those that are.